I need an anchor. I need one quickly. I am to the point now where I am drifting in a sea of instability, insecurity, and unknown. I am capable of coping with these items. I am capable of overcoming. I do so by always having defining characteristics of myself that prove to the world who I am, where I have come from, where I am going, and what I can do.
... So what does one do when such definitions no longer apply in the manner they used to? I love paradigm shifts. Seeing the world in a whole new light has always brought excitement to my life. They remind me that life is fluid, evolving. They show me that evolution on an everyday basis is necessary for survival; "adapt and move out" as they say in the Army. As long as my self definitions of who I am and what I thought I knew about the world hold true, then I can stand firmly as the storms and waters are diverged around me.
The most predictable and understandable thing about life is that it is unpredictable and incapable of being fully understood. If one knows where one stands at all times, then this chaotic behavior can actually be quite invigorating, instructive, even outright beautiful. But life is unpredictable, which means that sooner or later one's perceived notion of an island fortress will reveal itself to be nothing more than a sand dune in the desert which can change everything about itself, even its known location, in the blink of an eye.
This is an important aspect in life; it's how we grow, learn, appreciate, adapt, and progress. Imagine, if possible, a world without chaos, without instability, without trials. At first such a place seems ideal, even desirable. No hardship. No pain. No unknown. No fear. No loss. No sorrow. What more could a person want out of life than the offer of pure happiness and the promise of no suffering? 'Sign me up on the dotted line and lets go!', right?
Except then the question is raised of how does one know one has true happiness without anything to compare it too? What is sweet without knowing Bitter? How does one progress without overcoming obstacles? How can one know one truly has the good, without having ever known the bad? These examples can proceed as long as the imagination is working.
So I get it. The Adam and Eve story shows us that life needs chaos. Life demands tribulations. Without such, there is nothing worth living life for. Hence people who go through life will attempt to anchor themselves to knowns or strong beliefs, something that can provide for them a feeling of security, comfort, or reassurance.
It is known that as people progress through life, they will continuously encounter paradigm shifts that will help to redefine themselves for the next onslaught of life. Many of these paradigm shifts are encountered at predictable benchmarks in the intervals of growth: Infants becoming toddlers, who in turn become children; The teenage years; The early to mid 20's; Mid-life crises; Adults becoming the elderly; And finally, the final approach to the end of this life as one knows it. These are all known benchmarks that a typical human being is expected to pass through. Though the timing will differ at each stage for each individual, the occurrences are stable enough within a set of parameters that allow those who study life the ability to prepare all participating in such paradigm shifts for the expected outcomes.
Again, however, it must be mentioned that life is chaotic, and unsuspecting. If the previously mentioned benchmarks of life were the only phases that people passed through, then there would be no instability, no chaos, no individual growth. So beyond the benchmarks, life is going to do everything it can to ensure that what a person thinks is normal and stable is tested to the limits and beyond.
And here I am once again at the event horizon of such a test; standing on the cusp of understood and stable and unsteady and foreboding. This is not my first time in this territory. I have lived so far the majority of 3 decades and have had my eyes opened before me on several different occasions before. I often feel that every time I reenter this territory, I in fact have never left. Instead I am merely wandering a trail comparative to one which might be found along the Grand Canyon: winding its way from cliff heights to valley floor; crisscrossing from one side to the opposite. Along said path, I feel that I can look back and see where I have come, look forward and see predictable and expected similarities, but I cannot see where the path ends, nor exactly how the path will carve its presence through such arduous impediments.
Above all, this go around has given me amazing amounts of insight into the inter workings of life. I have come to understand that I stand where I am today based on the following factors: Circumstances beyond my control; Choices and actions others have made that affect themselves as well as me; And choices and actions that I have made that affect myself as well as others.
'Big deal!' one might say sardonically. 'Such an understanding of life should well be familiar to a person such as yourself by now. This should come as no surprise!' True. It is not that these are new revelations into my peaceful and incident free world; more that the magnitude in which they can occur along with the intricacy they can interact is shattering the very fabric of reality as I held to it thus far. I am being forced to revamp my understanding of myself and my personal definitions at an alarming rate; Tearing apart the instruction manual of my life pages at a time, scribbling diagrams in the margins, cramming line upon line of notes and understandings in the few blank pages found near the end, only to find that supposed manual is indeed not one of instructions, but instead the Turkish interpretations of why the sky must be blue.
One Might ask 'What could possibly be so dynamic as to bring a single person to this point so suddenly in life?' I am not going to say here, at least not at this point. For now, it is of greater importance to understand (and mostly for my sake) exactly what kind of things are going on right now, how they have affected me, and what exactly is my expected role supposed to produce from them. Anticlimactic, I know. But in order for one to reach a stable point of understanding in life one must understand one's parameters. In other words, one must take a step back and set the stage by answering the questions of 'Who am I?', 'Why am I here?', 'Where did I come from?', 'Where am I going?', 'How am I getting there?', 'Why am I going there?', and 'What is my desired end state?' Often, as is the case now, one might find that one doesn't even know that one is off looking for one's defining parameters until one sits down and starts to put out one's thoughts upon the table for examination. Only after analysis can one really put a finger to possible sources of their problems and begin to unravel them to the core.
Suffice it to say that at this point in my life I thought that I would be done with school, happily married with at least 1 perfect little child, working in my dream job, driving my first of many dream cars, and kicked back in the hammock on the weekends reading my favorite book and drinking a nice cold lemonade. Well, two and a half of six isn't so far off, is it? Even if the adjectives described that I thought were essential for each of these criteria are no where near the actual adjectives that describe my life right now? Alright, fine, I admit it. I imagine that this a point in life where a calm and reassuring voice will come on in the cabin over the intercom system telling me that I am experiencing a paradigm shift, to remain calm, and analyze and execute the quickest yet most effective egress to a state of greater stability and understanding. Furthermore, I should also (if the inclination happens to arise) make the best of this situation, as it will likely be one of great comical interest at a further point in my life.
Sometimes I hate that calm and reassuring cabin voice.
Nevertheless. Let it thus be known unto all that from this point on I recognize that I am in the heart of a great paradigm shift, and that I do hereby accept my responsibility to attempt a restoration of normalcy and stability (should such a thing really exist) to my life and those with whom my life is intertwined. I do hereby also understand that such state in which I find my life will provide me with many great and future lessons to further guide me, and I do hereby accept their coming with much anticipation. I understand that by publicly vocalizing such a stance that life has the right to and will throw every obstacle into my path in order to make said quest of growth, stability, and understanding that much more difficult. To that I say: Bring it on, for I shall overcome what may!
Hei de vencer seja o que for!
~ Christopher
... So what does one do when such definitions no longer apply in the manner they used to? I love paradigm shifts. Seeing the world in a whole new light has always brought excitement to my life. They remind me that life is fluid, evolving. They show me that evolution on an everyday basis is necessary for survival; "adapt and move out" as they say in the Army. As long as my self definitions of who I am and what I thought I knew about the world hold true, then I can stand firmly as the storms and waters are diverged around me.
The most predictable and understandable thing about life is that it is unpredictable and incapable of being fully understood. If one knows where one stands at all times, then this chaotic behavior can actually be quite invigorating, instructive, even outright beautiful. But life is unpredictable, which means that sooner or later one's perceived notion of an island fortress will reveal itself to be nothing more than a sand dune in the desert which can change everything about itself, even its known location, in the blink of an eye.
This is an important aspect in life; it's how we grow, learn, appreciate, adapt, and progress. Imagine, if possible, a world without chaos, without instability, without trials. At first such a place seems ideal, even desirable. No hardship. No pain. No unknown. No fear. No loss. No sorrow. What more could a person want out of life than the offer of pure happiness and the promise of no suffering? 'Sign me up on the dotted line and lets go!', right?
Except then the question is raised of how does one know one has true happiness without anything to compare it too? What is sweet without knowing Bitter? How does one progress without overcoming obstacles? How can one know one truly has the good, without having ever known the bad? These examples can proceed as long as the imagination is working.
So I get it. The Adam and Eve story shows us that life needs chaos. Life demands tribulations. Without such, there is nothing worth living life for. Hence people who go through life will attempt to anchor themselves to knowns or strong beliefs, something that can provide for them a feeling of security, comfort, or reassurance.
It is known that as people progress through life, they will continuously encounter paradigm shifts that will help to redefine themselves for the next onslaught of life. Many of these paradigm shifts are encountered at predictable benchmarks in the intervals of growth: Infants becoming toddlers, who in turn become children; The teenage years; The early to mid 20's; Mid-life crises; Adults becoming the elderly; And finally, the final approach to the end of this life as one knows it. These are all known benchmarks that a typical human being is expected to pass through. Though the timing will differ at each stage for each individual, the occurrences are stable enough within a set of parameters that allow those who study life the ability to prepare all participating in such paradigm shifts for the expected outcomes.
Again, however, it must be mentioned that life is chaotic, and unsuspecting. If the previously mentioned benchmarks of life were the only phases that people passed through, then there would be no instability, no chaos, no individual growth. So beyond the benchmarks, life is going to do everything it can to ensure that what a person thinks is normal and stable is tested to the limits and beyond.
And here I am once again at the event horizon of such a test; standing on the cusp of understood and stable and unsteady and foreboding. This is not my first time in this territory. I have lived so far the majority of 3 decades and have had my eyes opened before me on several different occasions before. I often feel that every time I reenter this territory, I in fact have never left. Instead I am merely wandering a trail comparative to one which might be found along the Grand Canyon: winding its way from cliff heights to valley floor; crisscrossing from one side to the opposite. Along said path, I feel that I can look back and see where I have come, look forward and see predictable and expected similarities, but I cannot see where the path ends, nor exactly how the path will carve its presence through such arduous impediments.
Above all, this go around has given me amazing amounts of insight into the inter workings of life. I have come to understand that I stand where I am today based on the following factors: Circumstances beyond my control; Choices and actions others have made that affect themselves as well as me; And choices and actions that I have made that affect myself as well as others.
'Big deal!' one might say sardonically. 'Such an understanding of life should well be familiar to a person such as yourself by now. This should come as no surprise!' True. It is not that these are new revelations into my peaceful and incident free world; more that the magnitude in which they can occur along with the intricacy they can interact is shattering the very fabric of reality as I held to it thus far. I am being forced to revamp my understanding of myself and my personal definitions at an alarming rate; Tearing apart the instruction manual of my life pages at a time, scribbling diagrams in the margins, cramming line upon line of notes and understandings in the few blank pages found near the end, only to find that supposed manual is indeed not one of instructions, but instead the Turkish interpretations of why the sky must be blue.
One Might ask 'What could possibly be so dynamic as to bring a single person to this point so suddenly in life?' I am not going to say here, at least not at this point. For now, it is of greater importance to understand (and mostly for my sake) exactly what kind of things are going on right now, how they have affected me, and what exactly is my expected role supposed to produce from them. Anticlimactic, I know. But in order for one to reach a stable point of understanding in life one must understand one's parameters. In other words, one must take a step back and set the stage by answering the questions of 'Who am I?', 'Why am I here?', 'Where did I come from?', 'Where am I going?', 'How am I getting there?', 'Why am I going there?', and 'What is my desired end state?' Often, as is the case now, one might find that one doesn't even know that one is off looking for one's defining parameters until one sits down and starts to put out one's thoughts upon the table for examination. Only after analysis can one really put a finger to possible sources of their problems and begin to unravel them to the core.
Suffice it to say that at this point in my life I thought that I would be done with school, happily married with at least 1 perfect little child, working in my dream job, driving my first of many dream cars, and kicked back in the hammock on the weekends reading my favorite book and drinking a nice cold lemonade. Well, two and a half of six isn't so far off, is it? Even if the adjectives described that I thought were essential for each of these criteria are no where near the actual adjectives that describe my life right now? Alright, fine, I admit it. I imagine that this a point in life where a calm and reassuring voice will come on in the cabin over the intercom system telling me that I am experiencing a paradigm shift, to remain calm, and analyze and execute the quickest yet most effective egress to a state of greater stability and understanding. Furthermore, I should also (if the inclination happens to arise) make the best of this situation, as it will likely be one of great comical interest at a further point in my life.
Sometimes I hate that calm and reassuring cabin voice.
Nevertheless. Let it thus be known unto all that from this point on I recognize that I am in the heart of a great paradigm shift, and that I do hereby accept my responsibility to attempt a restoration of normalcy and stability (should such a thing really exist) to my life and those with whom my life is intertwined. I do hereby also understand that such state in which I find my life will provide me with many great and future lessons to further guide me, and I do hereby accept their coming with much anticipation. I understand that by publicly vocalizing such a stance that life has the right to and will throw every obstacle into my path in order to make said quest of growth, stability, and understanding that much more difficult. To that I say: Bring it on, for I shall overcome what may!
Hei de vencer seja o que for!
~ Christopher
